Investing myself in activity, hoping to bring something away.

Look! Do you see?

Many people don't know what they want,
Neither do I.

I use to be a leader,
Leading a team for competition.
All I know is about winning.
Everything's about winning.
Am I right?

Now I see.
I had won nothing.

They say, and I used to say,
We fight for this battle,
We fight for victory,
We try hard and we push ourself hard,
No matter we win or lose,
At least we have our memory.

I try to convince them with this,
I try to convince myself with this.

But what I get now,
Nothing.

I though I can bring my victory along with me,
I though I can bring good memories along with me,
I though I can bring my achievements along with me,
But I was wrong.

I bring nothing with me.

I have to start all over again in form 6.
No matter in HEHS or MBS,
I can't bring along my glory history with me,
The school won't let me to.

I though I still have nice memories,
No.

I have no beautiful memories that you once promise me, that I once promise myself.
All I remember...
I push them hard,
I scolded them when they were wrong,
I make them run, push up of sit up.
I make myself busy and bad temper,
Forcing my adrenaline all over my body,
Raging all the time,
Making people feel sorry,
Making myself regret forever.
No beautiful memories.
The bad one always overcome the good one.

I called myself childish when I think of all this.
I invest all my time and energy,
And I bring nothing away.
Childish because I'm so obsess to it.

I checked the university application form last time.
I though There won't be a problem applying it,
As I hold position in every activity I joined.

Wrong.

Drama is just a part, I fill in- ajk
Prefect board is another part, categorize under club if I'm not wrong -ajk.
So, I have two ajk under one category.

Scout for uniform bodies - nothing although I hold a ajk position,
Because all they ask is, what ranking you are?
Which exam you had finish?
Shit!
And for sport? Nothing.

So what about the achievement?
They never ask.
Even if they ask,
I have nothing to put,
As school only allows form6 student to put their achievements in form 5 and form 6.
And all the effort I had put in during form 1 until form 4 is nothing.

So,
What els I have?
Tell me.