Where to go?

Relationship. Love.

I don't know why these two words came into my mind tonight. I'm not watching any drama tonight, I'm not discussing about this topic with my friends tonight, but why these two words couldn't get out of my mind?

A busy mind i have. and I never thought that I'll have time for that. Maybe the hunger games had just came to an end, and I'm actually having a relaxing day after six weeks of battle. An empty mind is a devil's workshop. 

Sad but yes, a relationship to me, is a crime. At least for the time being.

I never had a real relationship. Ever. The friendship that came close to this status was years behind. Friendship? yes, not a relationship. It's simple, i guess. because i still have my first kiss with me.

I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship, seriously. Only if time allows me to. In fact, maybe I watched great dramas too much, the whole idea of a relationship, to me, is to walk my soul mate back home after a cocktail party; to spend silent moments together, allowing music to do the talking; to have a simple vacation, sharing every joyful moment; bothering about what to get for her when her birthday is arriving; go kayaking with her, spending an eternal lifetime in this picturesque lake; and being able to spend nights under the stars together.

Perhaps I love the whole idea of love instead of loving someone.

And L.O.V.E, these four letters are such a luxury for me to own, and a relationship is always followed by a price tag so costly that the opportunity cost is simply too much for me.

I can have a thousand reason to say no, but I have a billion to say yes, but even so, not at this moment, not until I found the first concrete YES.

I'm not ready. Not today, not tomorrow, and not so soon.

I LOVE YOU, who ever read this.